May 7, 2020                (today’s lectionary)
What I have not done
Yesterday John becomes Mark, today Saul becomes Paul. Luke is playing fast and loose with the names here. When and why did Saul become Paul?
Hebrew Saul, the great king of Israel who fell into fear and disaster, in his fear and jealousy betraying God, his nation, his son Jonathan and his friend David … whose name means “asked for, inquired of God.”
And Greek Paul, a simple word adopted by the hugely prideful Saul, an attempt at amendment, penance, reversal? Because Paul means “small or humble.” Not Paul, not this Saul guy. He was humbled on the road to Damascus, but I can’t imagine him humble as we often understand it. And small? Well, perhaps in stature, but he always stood straight and looked into the eyes of all who opposed him.
The Jews living in Antioch welcomed Paul at first. They called him brother and invited him to speak, whereupon he recapped their history as a people and settled into the story of Jesus, new to them. What were they to do with this turn of tale?
Many accepted it. But when Paul turned to the Gentiles and shared the same story and the invitation with them, things got ugly fast.
Racism, prejudice, pride of place … will it ever disappear, wither on a dead vine? Will we ever turn away from such false ways to feel good about ourselves? How does this affect me right now, today? I am white, male, educated, established, comfortable, confident … I spend little time with others unlike me. I am proud and prejudiced in my omissions, my passivity, waiting to be called/asked/invited to help. For this I feel guilty, and in this predicament I do nothing to change it. I feel caught in the perils Paul wrote of in Romans 7. “What I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do, I do! Who will rescue me from this body of death?”
Paul wrote that, but he also stood up straight and strong and looked his persecutors in the eye. (Acts 13)
We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts.
We have offended against thy holy laws.
We have left undone those things which we ought to have done,
And we have done those things which we ought not to have done,
And there is no health in us.
(from the Anglican Communion’s Act of Contrition)
… On the other hand, thinking of my own life, my commissions aren’t so bad. Omissions abound, but actions abound as well, at least now and then. Margaret asked her family to give her the Mother’s Day gift of forgiving someone, and I have to think hard who that might be.
Through all generations my mouth shall proclaim your faithfulness. I do declare your love stands firm.
David shall say of me, “You are my father, my God, the Rock, my savior.” Forever I will sing the goodness of the Lord.
To live as what my friend Chris, and I guess John Piper too, calls a “Christian hedonist” is to praise God, taste and see that he is good, and say day after day after day with all my senses, all my song: “You are my Father, my God, the Rock, my Savior.” And it is also to display in all my daily life the truth of Psalm 119:32, “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free!”
I RUN in the path of your COMMANDS.
I am obedient, Lord, help me in my disobedience. (Psalm 89)
Disobedience, you say, David? Let me wash your feet. And after this you will be able to receive my request, my command, that you wash the feet of others.
Amen I say to you, no slave is greater than his master nor any messenger greater than the one who sent him. Get that straight, not as an idea only, but as an experience which springs from action. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean. Create in me a clean heart, O God.
I know those whom I have chosen. Choose me, Lord, send me.
First you must be undone. You are not yet undone, David. You say you want this “humiliation,” and I offer it to you, but you turn away.
Will I like so many others, wait until my deathbed to relinquish my pseudo-control? They say when you have the COVID-19 virus it’s like having an anvil on your chest.
My guilt feels like that. What do I do to get it off? Right now, mostly, I go into another part of my life, the sunlit part instead of the shadow. What could I do instead?
Give up your time, give up your money, give up your space. There are many ways to do this, David. Pick some.
I’m afraid.
Do not be afraid. Let me carry you.  (John 13)
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