Gaslight

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

Memorial of Saint Monica (Augustine’s mother)

(click here to listen to or read today’s scriptures)

 

Gaslight

Woe to you, you hypocrites.

You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside,

but inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of filth.

Even so, on the outside you appear righteous,

but inside you are filled with hypocrisy and evildoing.

Ingrid Bergman (1944) found herself sicker than ever when her husband (that evil hypocrite) told her she was dying, pointing to false symptoms and keeping her isolated. The movie won Oscars and introduced a new word into the English language. In these days of extreme unlistening, accusations of gaslighting abound. Joe Rogan, who supported Trump for president on his popular podcast, accused him last month of gaslighting the public.  Millions of people admire Rogan and his honesty, and this was a big surprise.

What is gaslighting anyhow?

Here are some sure signs of gaslighting manipulation:

Gaslighters tell blatant, outrageous lies to their victims.

They repeatedly deny saying what you know they said – to the point they are believed.

They convince victims the things and people they most value should not be valued.

They tear a person down and build that person back up only to tear them down again.

They create constant confusion to the point where their victims don’t know what to believe anymore.

They project their own flaws onto their victims.

They convince their victims that everyone is lying – that is, everyone but the gaslighter and the victim.

Gaslighting is common behavior within abusive relationships, but it is also – alas – now so common in this world of divisive and even vicious political polarities.

When I facilitated groups of men involved in domestic violence, we looked at characteristics of misogynists (literally “woman-haters”). That list begins with charisma and charm but ends looking just like the one above. I suppose there’s a similar list for man-haters, but I don’t know the Greek word for that.

All of this is a far cry from David’s joy in Psalm 139, as he praises God because he is loved, known, and fearfully and wonderfully made.

You have searched me and you know me, Lord.

Where can I go from your spirit?

From your presence where can I flee?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I sink to the nether world, you are present there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand shall guide me,

Even there your right hand will hold me fast.

In his memoir Proof of Heaven, neurosurgeon Eben Alexander brought three truths back to earth after his experience of “dying”.

You can do no wrong.

You are loved and cherished.

You have nothing to fear.

Dr. Alexander called these the “ground rules” for a game he’d been playing all his life without knowing the rules. Now, recovered, he loves the game of life in a way he never could before. He will sin but receive forgiveness. He will feel embarrassed or ashamed but know under his imperfection he is loved. He will panic sometimes and be afraid, but “there is no fear in love.” God’s goodness is our inheritance. “Even there God’s right hand will hold me fast.”

We all play the game. Most of us think we know the rules. Dr. Alexander’s simple summary cuts through the gaslighting, especially what we do to ourselves – the lies that misguide our minds and manipulate our bodies every day of our lives.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

(1 Thessalonians 2, Psalm 139, 1 John 2, Matthew 23)

(posted at www.davesandel.net)

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